now that i was alone, with five hours staring me in the face, i began to sense the first pricks of panic. the time had to be filled, i could not just sit here. my eye fell on the gramophone. i walked over to it and lifted the cover. the latest record of joy division was on, unknown pleasures. i turned the switch and set it going; but before the record was halfway through, its energy and hammering clanging rhythm oppressed me, and i reached to set it off. i could be at the concert now. she would be there too, standing beside him in the dark. now and again one of them would lean towards the other and shout something about the performance. not about me; they wouldn't be talking about me now. chiefly because i was the only thing on their minds and neither wanted the other to know. i couldn't help smiling for the distraction that i knew i was causing them. i was taking their minds off the performance a hundred times more than if i had been standing there between them.
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